Sensitive - A Rise of the Guardian OneShot

Sensitive

A fanfiction by SerenePhenix aka. Cameco

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It wasn’t as much as bad feeling, rather it was a kind of guilt Jack felt whenever the topic Pitch was brought up by his fellow Guardians and still Jack couldn’t tell them. He couldn’t tell them because they probably wouldn’t understand and even if they were family now, Jack just wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t feel betrayed by the sympathy that still lingered inside of him for the Boogeyman.

He was not blinded though. He knew Pitch had done terrible things, unforgivable things and that he had hurt a lot of people and children out of selfishness. That didn’t change the fact that he had done it out of loneliness, out of spite, out of an utter need to show that he still existed and that fear held some value, that it was even necessary so that children could still live having fun without getting out of hand and endangering themselves.

Jack had grinned crookedly at him when the Night Mares chased after their creator, for a short while he had even been convinced that it was what the spirit deserved and he still wanted to believe it but lately he found himself questioning his own thinking.
Because unlike the rest of the Guardians Jack knew exactly how desperate one could become when no one acknowledged your presence. For all he knew it could have been him, who threatened the children and Pitch helping the Guardians. Jack shook his head at that thought. He wasn’t sure about the former but he knew that Pitch would have refused to help and instead would go with the opposition just to anger the Guardians. He knew that only a few more centuries of loneliness and he truly might have turned into someone as dark and twisted as Pitch.

That prospect was scary and gave him Goosebumps but he knew that it was out of the question now because he had friends, a family and true believers (their numbers growing even with each year) who gave him support. He got the affirmation that he was real and that he had a purpose and it felt good. It was fulfilling.

And he couldn’t shake the feeling that he simply understood Pitch. He found his own logic so twisted it made him sick. Whenever Tooth or Bunny brought up the dark spirit it would be with spite. North would scowl darkly silencing everyone and making them drop the topic. Sandy would stay as silent as ever, a somber look on his face. Pitch had tried to kill him and it was only thanks to Jamie’s hopes and dreams that the Sandman hadn’t disappeared altogether. Jack on the other hand would try his best to go along with it but it was becoming more forced and difficult.

He did not want to feel this kind of pity and sympathy, not for Pitch, not ever.
So it was on a night like this, when his own thoughts were troubling him, when he felt consumed by unnecessary guilt that he would sit on the roof of North’s home watching the sky and making a light snow blanketing the already pure white environment. The wind tousled his white hair softly and Jack relaxed for a moment. He felt tense lately, high-strung and he could only guess why. His sour mood turned into a foul one, the massive increase of snow as a testimony to it.

With a start Jack felt another presence close to him and turned around, staff clasped tightly in his hand. He let out a soft laugh once he saw who it was. “Good to see you back so soon.”

Sandy floated towards him, the golden cloud of sand he was floating on glowing softly and warmly in the darkness around them. The small man came to sit next to him a questioning look on his face, his sand conjuring up an image of the roof they were currently sitting on. Jack understood the message with ease.

“Just trying to clear my head.”, he replied, cracking a grin for his friend. Sandy was the last one he wanted to burden with his problem. It would be unfair of Jack to ask him to understand his sympathy for the man who had shot him.

Sandman nodded slowly clearly not satisfied with the answer and Jack’s late behavior in general. He had noticed for a while already that something was keeping Jack on edge, that it was making their young recruit nervous and pensive. Sandy did not like Jack to be this quiet and back-drawn.

And he could feel the apprehension. Not the aggressive kind Jack had emanated the first time he had been brought to the Pole to be initiated as a Guardian. It was more like the sort of apprehension people tended to give off when they were unsure about something.
Although he did not bring it up, Sandy had the inkling of an idea what it was about if the troubled dreams of loneliness and hopelessness Jack tended to have from time were anything to go by. Interestingly they would always follow after an argument concerning Pitch Black.

Patting him on his arm Sandy drew Jack’s attention and willed the sand to form into the image of the Nightmare King. Jack stared wide eyed and shocked before quickly turning away from the Guardian of dreams and reaching for his hood in shame. But as soon as he felt the worn fabric he let go of it feeling stupid for his reflexive action. He was found out and hiding his face wouldn’t change that fact anymore. Still his fingers found their way to the white strings of his hoodie playing absentmindedly with them.
“How…did you find out?”, he asked eyes still looking anywhere but at the golden face. As the golden sand formed a sleeping figure, Jack understood, nodding courtly, lips drawn into a thin line. It wasn’t Sandy’s fault really but Jack still was miffed at the prospect of giving away his thoughts through dream images unwillingly. But he guessed that without Sandy he also would not have been able to sleep through as many nights as he did now and for that he was incredibly grateful.

Jack risked a glance and was surprised to find his friend looking at him expectantly, willing him to elaborate. Still the stone-face Sandman had put on was not reassuring in the least.

Jack groaned silently and put his face into his hands embarrassed, massaging his temples with his thumbs. He really wanted to make Sandy understand, to voice the thoughts he had had for the last five years yet he struggled for the right words. Thankfully Sandy did not push him and instead waited for Jack until he was ready, creating sand replicas of the snowflakes that softly drifted through the cold air.

Finally, after what seemed like incredibly long time, Jack’s small voice broke the awkward silence.

“I understand Pitch.”, was all he said before looking at Sandy with deep sorrowful eyes.
“I guess, I always will understand him, whether I want to or not, whether he deserves it or not.”

He stopped, taking in a long breath. He hoped he would make it sound right and not like some sort of sermon. This time the Sandman’s expression was not apathetic but curious and it gave Jack enough confidence to gain control over his vocal cords again.
“It’s just… he and I, we both know what it is like to exist and yet not to be present. To be nothing more than a shadow and no matter how hard you try, or for how long, no one acknowledging you even if they were able to.”

He paused, breathing in and out, closing his eyes and opening them again. The moon was partly visible through the snow and clouds bathing everything in a ghostly light.
“I know what he did. I could never forget, not like any of us could. It’s not like I have forgiven him. I just can’t feel true resentment towards him anymore like when we just won the battle against him. It doesn’t feel right anymore and I… I just feel pity, really.”
Jack had come to look the opposite direction, unable to face Sandy when he was pouring out his heart like this. He felt disgusted at himself for being so weak and truthfully frightened that Sandy might not understand that he might not even want to. Slowly his hand sneaked to his chest clasping a fistful of the blue shirt.

“For all I know, I could have turned out like him, if it weren’t for you guys or Jamie.”
The breath he released after holding it in unknowingly was shaky. A sudden tingling noise caught him off guard and he turned to see Sandy bobbing up and down slightly and shaking in silent laughter. It came so unexpected that Jack was positively dumb-struck, gaping like a mindless guppy.

Sandy wiped at one of the corners of his eyes facing the young Guardian with a bright and gentle smile shaking his head as though mocking him for saying something silly. Jack, still shell shocked watched as Sandy brought a small hand to the spot where his own hand had rested moments ago, the spirit patting it fondly while his sand formed the image of a young man who was ruffling the hair of a child next to him.

“You have a heart too kind to turn into someone like Pitch.”

How Sandy managed to get across such messages with so little means would always remain a mystery to Jack but he grasped the meaning of his friend’s actions without problem. Finally able to face whatever might come Jack truly looked at Sandy and found the man giving him an appreciative look, for being the caring man Jack was on the inside. Relief washed over him. Sandy was not angry at him, not in the least and that silent acceptance made him so much happier than any soothing words could have.

A few tears pricked at his blue eyes and Jack let a smile of his own grace his lips. They sat in silence until the night was not as dark anymore. There was no awkwardness between them and Jack was elated by the thought that there was still someone to understand his compassion. Even if it went out towards people others would never even consider worthy of it.